END OF 2008

dec 28 2008
life for me working whole day
celebrate christmas eve with mum which was boring
christmas on the actual day was awesome to me
go church very early
from 10 to 2pm
was there since 9am
went to my cousian hse

we fellowship like never before
sing and play guitar

my beloved sister in christ , we having candlelight services..oo

( i think is time to put 2008 behind, means by puting junxiang and johnson behind..2 guys was once i truely loved..many times i told myself to put down yet somehow there a barrier in me..puting somwhow seem so hard.Making myself busy to forget them, yet when i see junxaing, my mouth so hard to open to talk(heart was even hard to open again)

And when i see johnson, i still could communicate with him yet was no longer much like in the past. Heart was ache when he dun talk to me but i have to hide. telling myself that i want to be happy and just treat them as normal friends. so in 2009 . they will be my past tense , and i shall loook forward, hard yet still have to do it.

busyness is to make me forget them and shall enjoy single life plus i gona to change for the better)

19-23 nov -busy week that i hardly breathe

I was terrible sick from 20 nov until 2dec ,wow

i have a great encounter in asia conference though was busy

elective was awesome that o believe is something for me to rise up

In the mist of ending the wk of nov , i ihave exams ,project was even to kill me

yet is HIS strength that pull me through

Dec a new month

Many things started to hit badly

yet no fear

is a test from HIM and aso how strong am i gg to stand for HIM

cry times and times

is something that i cant tahan

possibe?parents divorce?

well have to pray

exams ending yet still have the lla project and role play to do

furthermore , whatever alvin is teaching , for QC students i believe they are struggling

is not easy but i believe we QC going to do well

SO life has to carry on

in addition , my surrounding is an increase of ppl getting attach which irriates me alot

yet wad can i do ?

Sigh

I know i have to get over it . Often i have to tell myself that you have to get my stand clear.

Knowing what situation i am , yet often bcos of emotion , thinking that harm me badly .

SOmetiems, i just seemly dislike the way i am

I just have to escape as far as possible

Good guys decreasing , bad guys increasing

busy life with diff thoughts n feelings

Sunday mood was sian.In times , whenever i was listen to certain songs or walking through the places we went before, the place where kiss are given to u , the places where we shop, i would start to think of u .

I dont know why , maybe that is what chinese call" huan nian " ba. I dont deny that i dontmiss you yet is just somehow we cant be together. That now , i dont dare to get in any r/s , fear of many thinngs.R./s is a something i would not want to try until i manage to get over it. That may be one of reason that i trying to get my life busy . These months, without you , my life still carry on .

Perhaps , 1 thing that i still struggle is friends around me. I somehow lock myself in 1 world that i dont want much ppl to enter. I felt i m so far distance with her in school. SOmetimes my life in ite becomes boring ,in school, all i could talk with is either evvone , yihong, wilson n teacher. yeT, all we talk aso v limited. Unlike others, wherever they are , always tgt. Sigh !!!

On 24 of oct 2008 , our cell group members went down to jurong west to support our dearest member, JIAQUAN

haha...which is the shot of fames..jiaquan take part in dances...

we were all so high esp shawn , michale n ME were so high..we keep shout with supporting...

guess what? Dainel meets the lockers AD feat Spiderpig(grp name) WONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

So surprise !!!well so happy for him..

One thing that i m quite glad that , i had a great time fellowship with michale..a great brother that love to jokes around that really brighten my stressfull life.Every jokes he say, always relax my life. he say that i should let impatience overtake me instead should put down certain stuff ---learn to relax..haha..

life so different

hey!!!
alot things happened in me that i may not want to write
Just want to write how i feel recently?
Sad sometimes even lead to negative thoughts
School no longer that fun
May not even know who the true friends
Cry alot !
no matter in school or church
many things lead me to cry out to HIM
still , i remain silent but will tell my everything to HIM
2days ago, i broke down and cry in sch...
Only mr Goh know as feel a little comfort
Regain back the fighting spirit
and Back to who im ..



I think i will mia again soon

Hey ya here is my dear jie 21 st birthday






Can see me?






All of us were listening to my dearest bro saying his life story abt he been to OGH at the age of 11, iwas listening attentively





We took serveral pics
















Siting beside is my brother, BENGI!!!!!haaha..love this brother
And behind is my ex ex cgl, aso my jie , she always been so dramatic












And Bro Billy with his tu ti , acting emo















this is recent numbo jumbo party
JUst a quick glance

picture describs a thousand words

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Overall, really enjoy having Fun with THem..haha..
Their cares and concern n prayers
haha
is quite late nw
goto bath ...sch reopean !!!

Changes

hey!!!
So fast Gona to be school REpean!
THis 4 wks of Holiday...could say that it was sian in the beginning after that it was busy for the last 2 wks.
I changed cell Group from E403 to N426.
WOW!!!
Cell leader changed from bryna to Raymond
It was quite hard to depart each other but after that we managed to put down.
In this family , It was not easy for me as was quite xin ku in the beginning.
But GOD had HIS reason to put me in this family
Many up and downs happened,it leads me to grow alot esp my maturity in spiritual
This family comes not easily that i really love
So now in N426
A family where there is more brothers than sisthers..which is michelle and ME..haha
Brothers are so funny and love to crack jokes ..well..i am used to it
My cell gp leader, very couraging that it brings our untiy closer
recently been trying to do more such as cooking and creative
Not easy ,however i believe i gona to do it
New term comes , new challenges
and...
Anything dont wait later but DO IT now
Dont just be a dreamer but be person that will do now.
Okay! that all i got to have conference call with michelle..

Finally exams are over...hahah
busying study until like mad bt i enjoy as study is like past of my life...

As we always say that study is student 1st thing to do
After exams of today
i want to mit huijean hahah that my cousian
we went to IKEA
seriously !!!IS MY 1ST TIME TO GO IKEA
I THINK no 1 would believe
Here we start

th

this is our dinner..we share ...Ooo..is really nice

should try..

1st time go ikea..i was like nob

mountain tortise...as is transalte in chinese...

every place i walk at there , i was so amazed..and shocked..

huijean was so surprised that i was 1st time go ikea...she would not believe that i am 1st time go...haha

so we are abit like crazy then play around...

haha..anyway i really enjoy...

know wad...sometimes, i cant help bt will miss him..

i told myself that u cant..haha

thxs god that i manage to do it...

What happened to me?
today i had a sudden sadness
i cried , i cried & i cried
telling jennifier what happened
Just a few words, she really encouraged me ...
Maybe that GOD really want to leads me to...
No matter how tough , i gona go thru, i believe and definately!
Jia you

a sister i loves alot
In this blog, i want to tell dom...especially
hey dom, i want to remind you that you AS A BROTHER IN CHRIST
YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO PROTECT BEL
ALLOW HER TO KNOW GOD MORE ,
ALLOW HER TO FOCSE ON GOD THINGS MORE
SINCE YOU AND HER BREAK LE PLS MAKE A CLEAR CUT TO YOURSELF
NOT ALLOWING YOUSELF TOO CLOSE TO HER
I AM SORRY TO SAY THIS
AS I REALLY CANT STAND THE WAY YOU ARE
THE WAY YOU TREAT BELINDA, THE WAY YOU SCOLD AND SAY HER SUCH AS SCOLDING HER BASTARD
I FELT THAT YOU REALLY HAVE TO REFLECT YOUSELF..
DONT THINK THAT I DONT KNOW THAT U CALL BEL TODAY NOT TO MEET ME
HEY !
YOU ARE A BROTHER , IS THIS THE WAY YOU SHOULD BE REACTING
SHE ALSO GT HER CHOICE AND DECISION
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CONTROL HER!!!

Just thought of update that my class went to excursion...
Going there dont seem to be anything excited as i feel that being in class QC seem to be so far from them.
So i was along alone walking , tour the area myself.Suddenly i felt that i being back to square .I not sure why does this happened to me.I felt whether i am in QC , no one will feels my presence.QC is a class that i feel so unknown,I dont seem to know the people there , is a place that i feel mo shen.
So i walked around there myself...then i saw psp place.SO i decided to played since nthing much to do.Afther that Mr jerome came haha..he say that i am good in playing which actually is not.

Recent mood seems abit down especially my own classmates

I dont seem to get well with them

well, maybe that my life ba..Although i felt very blessed that mari blessed me alot of things..really appreciated alot!!!

It seemed like i only have mari this friends haiz...

Only Lord is my best friend that is for sure!

17 august 2008
a day i declare that i shall be real single back
knowing that me and him seem impossible
everytime as i msg him
conversation seem to plain unlike the past
we seldom see each other but that does not mean i dun put him in heart
when i see him , angry,feeling stress with certain stuff..i heart pain ..willing to share burden with him..yet ....
i feel being cheated
feel that i am v stupid
feel that i m idoit
I hate myself being so weak esp in relationship
then give in to him
my best frenz say he is aguy worth to be
well..right now..it dont seem to be
hate myself why i fang bu xia him since he already fang xia me
guys are always like that...they are easily move to other thing so that they will not be distracted
WHY???WHY I FANG BU XIA
I HATE THAT FEELINGS ..ALL MY RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE THAT
why guys are like that...this world is courrpted
Good guys are few , bad guys are increasing
dont think that you see those couples together , very close
well more 50% they will not go long
Today ..i cry badly..no mood to do things ...
i want to go out but no where to go
Nw mood was so damn down..
feeling that only bel, kor , des and xinyi and my dar ( yokejin) is the best
including my sis and bros of christ
as well as my best best frenx lena and dinah
SO i will try all my might to fang xia as i dun rely on mt strenght but LORD strength
By faith , i know i going to do it just like when i used to like hp..haha..bt nw i dun like him but love him as my wonderfull brother..

Happy National Day!!!

Spending my time studying at home form 10 to 6 pm...

Quite glad that i managed to follow my time table 80%

haha..but 6pm, suddenly feel so sian,watching the national day show

then watching halfway, i fell asleep at the sofa..

though still have so much time can study yet my brain dont seem to be working ..

Looking at my phone..no 1 msg me

wondering what is he doin in malaysia

he did not reply my msg as i had waited for 4 hrs

haha..so i soon at home rot ..

Juz want to share with my friends here

that recently , i read a book call kiss dating goodbye

I really learn alot from this bk ..teaching me about diff aspects of relationship

so here wan to share

how to we know the person we loved truely love us?

here i have 2 example

Couple A been a relationship for nearly a year, they have been pure until gt 1 night , Sam and mary decide to show their love that they went to the hotel to have sexual pleasure..To them that is the way to show their love towards each other.

Couple B has been a relationship for 4 years. They want to honour LORD that they go into pure and holiness . During the four years , they did not kiss until the they married. To them , is not easy , yet they want to go into obedience to LORD.

From here, Nowadays why there are so many people does not go long in relationship, having short term relationship, many people go into divorce.This has become so common nowadays. I want u friends to know that God does not want to see this . Going into pure and righteneous is something we should pursue. Though is not easy , yet this is where we learned to respect each other and protect each other .

okay ,i think that all will continue update..have t study ..

yoz!!!In School write my blog..wahaha
juz want to update on tue 5 of August 2008
A day where is his birthday
Before this day arrived , i was rather busy with studies as well as making his gifts
Though people may say why u waste time and do all these unnessary stuff
yet to me , no is not ..I enjoy making gifts to people only to people that are important to me and my best girl friends
we went to east coast
breezy winds and enjoy the atmostphere there
i bought a cake from angle the choice for him
not knowing that he is unwel yet he still finish
then we just chit chat and he even tiket me ..haha
that was him
love to play
then we went home , he sent me home..
surprised that our relationship seem to go in pure..
After that night , i realise that i miss him ...truely

tired day

i feeling very tired ..tired about my parents stuff and my personal stuff..

been crying non stop from kallang mrt station to singapore indoor stadium

Eyes was swollen that bros ask me am i alright ?

i told them and i cry more..

went to fop is something i never regret about it

3 of august is 1 day that

if my parents really get divorce , i does not want to follow any 1 of them..

my mum always quarrel with dad

i really dunno who to side with as either 1 of them will say that i always side the other parties

In the word which say that as 1 ppl in the household are saved , the whole household shall be saved..this something i keep on believe..

if i had the ability, i will want to tell my parents that i shall neither follow 1 of them as

i want to live with LORD in enterity

live in heaven

follow Christ is something that i desire

Serve HIM as is something that will mould me to be more like HIM

i realise that loving a man in earth is something that i should not have

it is a selfish relationship as it require long time commitment without sexual emotions

who can do it ?

yes we can!!! but not easy

i will not give up for my breakthough ..

as i know is HE who give me the strength to move on..

past 2 days i have been doin things for 5 of august baby//haha

On 27 july

reading the word of god in the morning

the word really impact me

Increase my passion and desires of serving HIM and have more deeper relationship wih HIM

that wanting to do HIS will not my will

29 july

FINALLY!!!

excel exam is over

feeling so relax

actually thought to mit johnson after exam

but his eye pain then never mit ..haiz

so in the end , i went to mit my dear mei..BELINDA & desmond

end up..my mood went all the way down

i seem to be sensitve when des say i am fat

i dont used to bother ..yet now i seem to have low self esteem

we went to eat kfc when kor then join in..

bel on that day was so damn high that i felt so hard to simile

after we depart..on the way ..i broke down..kneeing down in the middle of interchange

then as i cry, des and kor suddenly appear

asking me are u ok?

trying to hide my tears..i absorb back ..pretend that everything is fine

des and kor knew i am not in right mood well i just dont know why i would react in this way

still in the end..i walk home alone ..listening songs..wanderless

30 july ..on wed

a day that dont study much

accompany my sis to consult doctor

fees...61dollars...ex?ya no choice have to consult private 1

then miss bfd lesson.

afd conduct abt electives courses

listen to talk

having ofd lesson abt access

hard bt try to understand..immediately

i went to slp after i reach home..if johnson know ..then he will say me lan zhu again

haha..

again..mit des and kor today..as i promise i want to treat des a meal..

we went to pastamania to eat..oo

it had been a long time since secondary 4 that we had pastamania..that time was with my dar dar, bel , xinyi and kor..haha..

ordered by des and me

the further 1 is misto mushroom which is des ordered

the nearer is me that order name dont really remembered

haha

ah!!

this is kor ordered 1

is rice

name dont remember too

well who would bother wad the name ,,hao chi jui hao le

A look that is nature

feeling amazed with the moving food..haha

kor that hand destory the whole pics

well

is still quite ok overall

timusa desert

des, me and kor share

so damn shok

it has been a long time to eat somthing good

As for this ..onthe way home..feeling sian

des slept inthe train

nt siting down

bt squat dwn

that the tiredness look nt slping well for 2 days..

is ugly ..

finally finished update..at 2.05am

Here to continue in 26July2008

Went to market in morning,bought many stuff in the wet market and NTUC

feel like auntie ..bit dont mind

Mum Start ranted in me saying that i am not a good child even call me to be prostitue when i told her that the previous bill i pay..

Though hurt , yet forgive her..as i know that my mum dont mean it and i know that i leave it to HIM that i dont feel hatred..

Try my best to study my accounts yet seem so hard

Finally , i get myself prepare to go church..a place that i love to go

Well i gt myselfprepare for the prayer miting at 3.30pm with my dear bro ( Eugene)

Enjoy in the strong anointing and presence ..praying about 1hr and 15 min

Then until 5.30 pm YEA!!! finally service started..i become so enjoyed that i keep jumping around while praising HIM.Bryna and benji was speechless with me..I like that feeling to be happy in HIS tengible presence.Pastor Derek preach the word about running the race to win..WOW.( keep the Faith in you as you are running the marathorn;persistence & determination alone are amoinptent)

Wanting us not to look back during the race

Having the faith in GOD that HE will restor us back

As we live by Faith and not by Sight

Be a good Finisherin the race

5keys to finish the race

1.Knows what fills & drain your future

2.Understand how to balance in life

3.Serve & Lead out the rest

4.Find a lighting Rod

5.You must be discipline in your daily devotions

After hearing this, i felt that is the second time spoke to me ..the same thing but deeper

Being so impact and anointed , i went down to receive the anoiting so as to restore back the plans HE plan in me.

After that..i went home ..this service increase my passion and desire for LORD that I want to do something more..

Ganbettle..yijing will contine in part 3

Strong anoiting

Midnite 12.26

Updating what had recently happened on me

On 25 july, a day where i get closer and connect to GOD

Spending time in HIS embrance is something that money cant buy

Reading HIS word soon become something i am hunger for

After sch, jogging then home..soon fell alseep that Johnson would always say i am a lan zhu as i seem to enjoy sleeping..haha..well

Forcing myself to wake up, i did the prayer list

Having a perpared heart to go to cell group

Unexpected, not much people came yet it came 4 koreans people..

We enjoyed the game of playing early in the moring whom the game master is MICHELLE

Joyce, Michale and Jiaquan kana the 4feet..well i really laughed alot

Worship started, we all were in the presence of LORD

Ariel started to speak , saying that we had to be strong in HIS ways..being the 1 to love and have mercy with people..wanted us to get closer with HIM..WOw

i cry not outside bt inside me

Furthermore, the word which Raymond preached..God is Able

Inhere, which say that everywhere you go , there is negative news

2tim 3:1

Rom 8:37-38----In all things we are more than conquerors through HIM who loved us.

Mean that no matter what happen, Lord will conquer the trouble and leave the burdern away .God has almightly power that t o know HIM intimately and experientially, we need to aknowledge HE is able.

5Things that GOD is able to do in our lives

1.God is able to save us completely

heb7:25

2.God is able to keep us from sin

heb2:18

3.God is able to supplied all of our needs

2cor9:8

4.God is able to heal our diseases

We need to believe that HE can heal us

5.God is able to deliver us from debt

1 chr 29:12

Whoever you area and whatever your need, God 's strength is avaible to help you.

Our Faith is what realease GOD's power in our lives!

I felt that God is speaking to me about the races that i running

from here i begin to know deeper that what GOD really want me to think and do..

I told what has happened to me to michelle as she realise that i m nt in right condition.Taking the step of faith , i told her...she then telling me abt hers and advise me what happening in me..i get a clearer picture..of what kind of sitution am i nw..Again taking greater faith and bryna seem so hard , bt i manage to do it.Fear that shescold me yet she just say that you are spritually matured and you know what went wrong so what are u waiting 4?I make a serious thought and had make a decision..

Reach hme, had a kind of peace heart that i become more cheerful and happy..

will contined...

tao pok shawn!!!

My dearest cell leader bryna and me

A wonderfull jie which takes every of the member in E403

Yan ling , mE, michelle(love all my sisters)

yoz!!recently quite busy going out ,study that hardly have time to update..

updating my cell group bbq at Eugene jia..As for me, i bring 1 fenz which i soo happy .His name is danny , knew him in school..We knew each other when he decided to take num from me which me Shocked..In the Beginning , I was quite stranger to him, wondering why does this guy from the bustop keep looking at my direction, taking the same bus 10 with me, walking the same speed with me to go school.I decided to act blur,that i think ,suppose he buck out the courage to ask me if i m willing to be friends with him.Thinking for a moment,dont mind to have 1 more frenz then 1 more enemies..Right?

After commuicating with him, knowing him better, i soon realise that he also the childern of GOD..Wow..that makes me feel happy ..haha..so it makes me easilier to talk to him, knowing more about what kind of person he was..Then i decided to invite him to my cell bbq, never did i expect that he agreed easily..well so that friday finally arrive , i was late to mit him..as people who know me well, i m always late !!!i know tat is bad, i still trying not to be late..Never did i realise that he was waiting for me for 1 hr .. OmGoodness..Thank GOD that he did nt angry bt forgive me..So we went ..finally we reached to location ..Games started to be the 1st thing..We really had fun as i also keep on entertained him..not wanting to leave him alone..

Then we took pics together..Now cantshow as all is at my jie there!!!haha

Then i went to mit my dearest (him) haha , he drive me home..seeing him makes me feel happy..haha

23july was quite sad when i see my result

mirocsoft word =D

Business fundementals= C

My ledger in accounts i failed..

Looking at all this feel disappointed that it push me harder..Bt i will keep on looking on HIM,believing that as i keep on praying,puting more effort, leave my desire and burdern on HIM, for HE will not forsake me but anoited me and give me wisdom and strength..

Plus thank Johnson encouragement too

yijing jia you..